– Crime doesn’t pay. – Except when it does. – Let’s talk about that. (alarm rings)
(playful theme music) (fire blasts) – Good Mythical Morning! – Today’s episode is all about stealing and if there’s one person
who knows a thing or two about that, it’s the lady
who always steals the show. Please welcome one of the stars
of Good Girls on NBC, Retta. Woo woo!
– Yay! (crew applauding) – Now Retta, I have been very excited about having you on the show
because, you know, Retta. – Yes, right. I get it.
– Rhett, Retta. – Rhett, Retta, Rhett, Retta, copy. – Yeah. (laughs) – Is that what you were hoping
for, what just happened? – Yes. More can happen later but
right now it’s just Rhett– – [Rhett And Retta] And Retta. – Rhett and Retta.
– Rhett and Retta. – Now in Good Girls,
Retta plays a suburban mom who pulls off a supermarket heist, but there are people out
there who have heisted things much weirder than a grocery store and we’re about to play a game about them. – It’s time for Can Link and Retta Guess These Stolen Things Equivalent Cheddah? That’ll all make sense.
– The equivalent cheddah– (Retta laughs)
Of the things, okay. I got it. – Basically what I’m gonna
be doing is I’m going to be telling you about a very
weird thing that was stolen and then using your white boards, you are going to be guessing
the value of said stolen thing. Whoever comes closest gets a point. It’s not whoever comes
closest without going over, it’s just whoever comes closest, okay? – Mhm, okay.
– And in the end, the winner with the most right
gets to have whatever is in the mystery box or a dollar. – How good are you at prices? – Not very, but– – Great, me neither. – I am very competitive
so I’m really gonna put my heart into it. – All right.
– Well that makes one of us. – Retta, I’m pulling for you. – Thanks. – Well I’m pulling for me. – All right, here’s the first one. We’re not in Kansas anymore,
we’re at a museum in Minnesota where the iconic red ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland in The
Wizard of Oz were stolen 13 years ago but thanks
to an FBI sting operation, the shoes were finally
recovered and brought back to their rightful home. According to a 2005 insurance policy, how much were these shoes worth? – Oh man.
– The original– – 13 years ago, not today.
– 13 years ago, yes. You know about the time value of money. – You know what I’m saying. (Rhett chuckles) – Okay.
– Okay, you guys ready? – Mhm. – Retta, why don’t you reveal your answer? – I said $350,000.
– Good gosh. – Okay.
– That’s a lot of money for some slippers. They’re not real rubies! – No but they’re–
– They’re just ruby-colored. – From The Wizard of Oz.
– I know where they’re from! (Retta laughs) I’m saying $72,100. – The correct answer is $1 million! – I was gonna say, I
was gonna say a million. – Yes, $350,000’s a lot
closer to one million. – (chuckling) One for me! – Sadly the shoes made out
of Toto are only $39.99. (Link and Retta chuckle) – Well shoot, man.
– Ha ha, all right! You’ve heard of Shark
Week but have you heard of shark swipe? In July of this year,
the San Antonio Aquarium, one of my favorite places,
38 year old Anton Shannon stole a small gray horn
shark named Miss Helen. Police said Anton snatched
Miss Helen from her tank, wrapped her in a blanket,
and pushed her out of the aquarium in a baby carriage. He was caught and is
facing felony charges. How much is Miss Helen worth? – Anton, what’s Anton gonna,
release it into the wild? What was the motive? – They believe that he was taking it for his own aquarium at home. – He’s got a big enough tank? – Yep, I guess so. – Got a big enough baby carriage. (chuckling) – Huh, San Antonio. – [Link] I have no point of reference. – (laughs) I like the way you think. San Antonio, I’m gonna move– – I don’t know the worth
of a shark in San Antonio. (Rhett and Link laugh) – I’m moving it down just a little bit. All right Link, why don’t
you go first on this one? – $140,000.
(Rhett laughs) It’s a little shark. It’s not even full-grown, right? – He’s got diamonds stuck in his gills. – Oh this is big? – Well, let’s see, Retta? – $22,000. – Okay.
– A shark is, I mean, a zoo shark is–
– Oh a zoo shark. – A zoo shark. – Oh I should have specified zoo shark. – It’s a famous shark.
– The answer is $3,000. Miss Helen is not that expensive, but we actually do have
security camera video from the heist. See, it was– – [Retta] Oh my God, it
was like the cheapest– – [Rhett] It’s like the
children’s aquarium. Look. – [Link] Oh my gosh. Look at that jerk. – Miss Helen, she’s a little shark. She’s a $3,000 shark. – You know what, Helen, to
me, you’re a $140,000 shark. I suck at this. – Yeah that was actually the only shark in the San Antonio Aquarium. Now it’s just a frosty
machine and two goldfish. San Antonio, a Texas man,
we’re still in Texas, was sentenced to 50 years in
prison after he got caught stealing mass quantities of fajitas. Gilberto Escamilla worked at
a juvenile detention center and over the course of nine years, continually placed orders for fajitas– – Stop it.
– Using county funds and then sold them for his own profit. He had a fajita business. How many dollars worth
of fajitas did he steal to earn 50 years in the slammer? – (gasps) 50 years? – 50 years. – Oh gosh.
– Yes. – That’s a lot of fajitas. (Rhett chuckles) – You haven’t put an answer
and I was gonna copy it. (Retta laughs) – I don’t know, 50 years. – 50 years worth of fajitas. – And nine years of doing this. – I’m stressed about this one. This was very unsettling. – Yeah, right. – The 50 years is really messing with me. – Okay, are we ready? – Okay. – You’re competing against me,
I wouldn’t get too stressed. (laughs) – Okay, Retta, let’s see your answer. – I mean, it should be no less than this amount for 50 years. – You’re being conservative? – $220,000. – Oh you know what, I’m
close, I said $300,000. And I did some math here which
has nothing to do with this. (Retta chuckles) I thought I was gonna do math
and I was like, screw it. – 52 weeks, where’s
the number coming from? (Retta chuckles) – I don’t even wanna talk about it. – Well Link you know what,
you’re right because– – Yes!
– It’s $1.2 million worth of fajitas.
– Fajitas? – We were both off on that one. – See I’m just picturing like
he stole like three a day. It was more than that.
– I think this was like bulk quantity.
– Okay. – I did three a week and then I was– – There you go, that’s
where the math comes in. And he actually has to do
five years extra for guac. – (chuckles) It’s always,
guac is always extra. – Taking shots of cheap vodka is bad, but taking bottles of
expensive vodka, that’s worst. Russian car company Russo-Baltique created a vodka that
was stored in a bottle made out of 6.6 pounds of gold
as well as bullet-proof glass that is 30 centimeters thick, and has a diamond-encrusted cap. Here’s the photo of the bottle of vodka. – [Link] That is quite a bottle. – [Retta] Okay. – Now this was stolen
from the storage room of a Copenhagen bar
where it was being held. How much was it worth? – This looks like one of
my four bed posts at home. (chuckles) If you were to visit
my bedroom you’d see– – Your gold post–
– Four of these, yes. – Gold and bullet– – So it was protected
with bullet-proof glass, but it’s basically 6.6
pounds of gold and then the diamond-encrusted cap. – Oh, diamonds. – Mhm, so we’re talking
6.6 pounds of gold. That’s a lot of gold in this vodka. – Oh. (Rhett and Retta chuckle) That’s the most important part. No idea. – Okay, Link, let’s see yours first. – I got this. $1.4 million. – Stop it. – Okay, Retta? – This isn’t that much to me, $48,000. – (chuckles) We’re frequently
on different wavelengths, you and I. – Well Link, you’re on the
right one right now, buddy, ’cause it’s $1.3 million! – What?
– Yes! Don’t call it a comeback. I’ve been here for years! – Okay and we actually have
security camera footage of this guy stealing this. This is the storage room,
he’s searching around for it. And he spotted it.
– Oh there it is. – [Retta] Is this in bullet-proof, okay, it’s in bullet-proof glass,
but they didn’t lock it? – [Link] Yeah (chuckles). – That part’s confusing to
me because I think it was in bullet-proof glass at some
point but then when it got bought by this bar, they just put it with all their other vodka. They deserved it! – Yeah, I love how the
moment he spotted it, he got a pep in his step. – He violated the cardinal
rule of stealing things. Don’t act like you’re stealing things. Just walk out like–
– Casually. – You meant to be there.
– Like you’re taking a shark from San Antonio. – First of all, those chairs look like the chairs of my first apartment. I don’t know how they could
even afford that bottle in that place. – Right, but you gotta
allocate your budget somehow. – That’s right, okay, you guys are tied. Here we go, way back in March of 1990, El Pollo Loco celebrated the
opening of a new franchise in Sherman Oaks–
– In the Shoaks! – Former home of Good
Mythical Morning and me. – Me too. – Hold on, you guys
both lived in the Oaks? – I live in the Shoaks currently. – Oh. – I used to get your mail all the time. – Is that right? – Yeah. (chuckles) They installed a 20 foot
inflatable rubber chicken in front of the restaurant. Two weeks later, the
rubber chicken was stolen. Manager, Joe Masiello, came
up with a brilliant plan to get the chicken back. He offered chicken
combo meals as a reward. How many chicken combo meals were offered as a reward for this
giant inflatable chicken? – You doing math again? (Rhett and Retta laugh) – I’m sketching you for
my portfolio (chuckles). – Okay, Link, you got an answer? – Yeah man.
– Okay what is it? – $780. – Okay.
– Wait. – So you’re supposed to, I was asking for how many chicken combos? – I just put it in terms
of money, my brother. – Okay, well I’m not
accepting that answer. I’m only accepting the
number of chicken combos. – You wanna go back to–
– 156. I mean I’m showing my
work, that’s right here. 156 combos.
– Okay and Retta? – That is three a week for a year. – I said 365, one a day. Because I won a Comedy
Central stand-up competition and Taco Bell gave me a meal. One of the prizes was a
meal, Taco Bell for a year, but it was just 365 coupons. – You ate at Taco Bell
every day for a year? – I was broke. (Rhett and Link laugh) – You earned it. – El Pollo Loco is
apparently a lot cheaper than Taco Bell because all he
offered was 12 chicken combos. It was 12!
– Are you serious? – Just 12 chicken combos! – So you won.
– But I got the point. I’m not proud of how I
earned it. (laughing) But I did get the point. Did he get the chicken back though? – No, it never was returned.
– Of course. – ‘Cause it was cheap.
– I do remember my neighbor having a 20 foot tall
El Pollo Loco chicken in his front yard for weeks. I guess I could have said something. I just thought he was a fan. – Just drive around the
neighborhood, manager. – Okay you know what,
we’re gonna make this one worth two points. – Oh boy.
– We’re shaking it up! We cannot have a tie.
– I’m fine with that. – ‘Cause it’s the last one.
– Back in 1994, 34 year old Keith Bradford
pulled out all the stops when he stole a condom
machine off the wall in the bathroom of a pub. Unfortunately, Keith
didn’t do too good of a job protecting himself
because numerous witnesses saw him walking away with the machine. Police followed him home and
recovered the stolen goods. How much was the machine
and its contents worth? – In terms of chicken combo meals or? – I don’t believe there are
any chicken combo meals. There was money in there for people who’d already purchased condoms. There were condoms in there
and there was the machine. – All of that, okay.
– Add all that up. How much did it cost? – These are like Trojan, or
are we talking like Durex? (crew laughing) (Retta chuckles) – I don’t have access to that information. (Retta laughs) – Oh God. (chuckles) – Just because they’re flavored
doesn’t mean they’re edible. Just a note. – Copy that. I leaned that the hard way. (Rhett laughs) – Okay. – Okay, Retta let’s see your answer. – $13,650. – Whoa.
– It’s a lot. – That’s a lot of prophylactic. – Condoms are very important. – (laughs) Link? – Play it safe, kids. $560. – Oh! Okay, so here’s what was in the machine. 127 quarters totaling $31.75. 48 condoms, totalling $24. Probably Durex. And the machine which is $279– – That’s it?
– For a total of $334.75. Link! You won!
– Yes! – What? – But you were a formidable foe. Gimme that mystery box! – Oh gosh, what’s in the mystery box? – Retta, I would love for
you to have the dollar. – Oh thanks.
– Because, oh yeah. – I can get me a condom. – (laughs) Well you can get half a condom. That doesn’t work quite the same. – I’m sorry to do this right in your face, but I got a box to open. (Retta laughs) – That’s hilarious. – That is fajitas. (chuckles) Congratulations, Link. Look for Retta in season two
of Good Girls on NBC very soon. – That’s not 50 years worth, but. – And thanks for liking,
commenting and subscribing. You say you know what time it is. – You know what time it is. – I’m Sam.
– I’m Angie. – And this is Josie who
was born just a minute ago. – [Both] And it’s time to
spin the Wheel of Mythicality. – I’m glad it’s not, and right
now the baby’s being born. – (laughs) Next time,
somebody’s gonna outdo them. Click the top link to watch
us play Rhett or Retta in Good Mythical More. – And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality’s gonna land. Lip balms, pomade, beard
oil and cologne, oh my! Lip balms, pomade, beard
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(chuckles) and cologne, oh my! Available now at Mythical.store.